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[26 Aug 2005|12:39pm] |
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I haven't written in her for much too long! Since February, and it is already August... I can't believe it! I wish I could keep up a journal because I do love reading them afterwards. I will try... I doubt it will work, but I will try.
I've been working a lot recently, well not all that much... it just seems that way because I have school and martial arts on top of it. Not so much free time, but I guess that is good.
I better get going, but I'll post again soon... not that anyone reads this though.
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[27 Feb 2005|10:41pm] |
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I've been working so hard this weekend. I did most of my homework on Friday, then I studied for the Japan Bowl most of Saturday, and went to the Japan Bowl and studied for AP US History all today. I haven't had much of a break except a few little things and going to see Constantine with Mo and Theo. Speaking of that, that was so fucking messed up... not the movie, but us. As Momo put it, we are like a three legged tripod, except that we are all crumpled and can barely stand up. It's slightly depressing. But I still had fun, even through all of that. I'm not sure that either of them did though.
We failed miserably at the Japanese competition, but at least we tried and I did compete in level 2 even though I'm in level 1. I learned so much be studying though, so I feel very accomplished. They had a manga drawing competition there too, which we entered... unfortunately I couldn't draw well today, but I did manage to draw this kind of gothic lolita girl holding a severed head dripping blood with its spinal cord hanging out. I thought it was cool, but I think everyone else, besides maybe Mo, Duncan, and Kit, thought it was just morbidly freaky. Oh well. I had fun. I'm going to head to sleep now. Night!
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[20 Jan 2005|11:39pm] |
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mood |
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Today was rather fun, minus my physics test this morning, which I sort of bombed. I thought I was prepared too. It was so hard though. I hope I didn't do that horrible... but I doubt it's worth even hoping for.
After that I went with Kenzie to the inauguration ( or shall we say "coronation" ) protest. It was quite interesting, but eventually everything just sounds the same, and all that people are saying just becomes a blur. Yes, I do want Bush out of office. Yes, I agree with all of you here ( at the protest ), therefore... you don't have to try to convince me. We can all be so strong-headed sometimes. We marched down to Salazar's office from the capital, but of course he didn't come out.
One thing that has definitely stuck in my mind is that there was a large amount of adults there, but the people who actually stuck it out until the end were teenagers and young adults, most of whom can't even vote yet. It's just the saddest thing.
Well, I'm very tired. When I get my film developed I'll be sure to post pictures. Love always, Alice.
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[20 Jan 2005|11:31pm] |
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Last night at martial arts class I was there with Momo as usual and Theo was also there... and just to make it even more awkward Isaiah was doing class with too for some reason. Since Theo and I just broke up that was very tense and Mo and Isaiah used to have something too... it just was horrible. Especially for me, because at least the three of them are all friends, but I don't know Isaiah very well and I don't really know anyone else at the dojo all that well, so I couldn't just go talk to someone else. Ahhh... so awkward!!
Then after all that, to make matters worse, Isaiah decides to call Mo, ask for me, and takes it upon himself to find out the exact reasons why I broke up with Theo so that he can help Theo get over it ( which apparently he isn't having such an easy time doing ). I'm rather surprised I even decided to talk to Isaiah at all about the matter, but I do want to try and clear things up. He, more or less, ended up picking me apart. Let me explain it to you, i will paint you a mental picture: I have this lovely wall built up around myself and my emotions that I put a lot of time into building... you know, the mortar is perfect and it is very high. Well, then Isaiah grabs his trusty sledge hammer and begins breaking apart my wall. WHAT! I want my wall back! I was so uncomfortable... I mean I've never ever told anyone my true feelings besides Mo. Out of all the many best friends I've had... I've never really been able to open up, no matter how close I was to someone. So imagine, if you can, my whole world basically getting picked apart and him condescending me like I'm a child. I pride myself on the fact that I know myself better than anyone. I know that I'm more mature than quite a few at my age and I understand myself... and for him to tell me that I didn't... it almost killed me. I thought he had a point there for a couple of minutes and I couldn't help myself from crying. However, I realized that he's wrong about me. I know too much about myself and he's only really talked to me about four times. He doesn't know a thing. Grrrr... It was terribly frustrating.
Then I tried to explain that I just don't like Theo anymore... there isn't really a reason, I just don't. I guess guys can't quite comprehend that concept because he kept on about it like there was anything else I could tell him. Theo is convinced that something happened to me that made me break up with him. Like I was threatened or something. It seems that he just can't believe that I no longer liked him like that. I tried to tell Isaiah and he just wouldn't get it, so in the end I ended up saying something along the lines of "I no longer feel the same way for Theo, that is the beginning and end, that is how it goes. There is no middle, the feelings were there and now they are not." and then I said goodbye and hung up. But yet, he still doesn't understand how much he upset me, as he proceeds to call Momo and give her his number and tell me that if I wanted to talk more... WHAT!!! Oh give me a fucking break! You just ripped me apart and the second I calm myself down you give me your number, like I'm even going to fucking let that happen to myself again. Yeah fricken right! How stupid does he think I am!? Sorry, that would be some suppressed rage coming to the surface. Ick.
I'll post another entry describing today. Because I'm in such a journaly mood. I don't think I've ever been this good about keeping a journal before. Ja mata.
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[18 Jan 2005|12:24am] |
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mmm... I hate myself. I'm so frickin' dense sometimes. I say that Theo is horrible because he only hears what he wants to hear... but it appears that I am the same way. Grrr... I'm so sad about this. I should have the opposite of a cheering squad that walks around with me everywhere booing and hissing. I guess it would be called a booing squad then... ha.
Yay music... ya'll should listen to this and love me for uploading it for you:
and nothing is working for me today, so I'll post it on here tomorrow. Sorry.
Love
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[16 Jan 2005|02:30pm] |
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I went out to lunch with my mother today and ended up getting two coats and a pair of jeans plus lunch! I love when things like that happen. I'm so very happy. I even got an application to work at F21. Not my optimum choice of places to work, but I don't have much of a choice anymore because I'm am so broke. I'm going to go back and just go through all the stores to find the ones that are hiring and hire people under 18 ( not too many do, unfortunately ). I know actually having a job is never all that great, but being able to have money is a wonderful thing. I haven't really been able to buy anything besides the bare necessities like coffee for so long. I sometimes think I shouldn't have quit my old job, but then I know I couldn't have continued working there for much longer. The only vegan thing I could eat there was a salad. I've never had that many salads in my whole life. AHHH! So yes... in conclusion I am oh so very content right now. Albeit a little bored. Ja mata.
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[14 Jan 2005|12:07am] |
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I broke up with my boyfriend of approx. four months tonight. That is definitely the longest relationship I've ever had... ick, relationships are for the weak. I've decided that I'm not going to get into another one unless I'm 98 percent sure I want to deal with it. The guy just has to be that good. I'm sick of getting myself into these things where it's mostly the guy likes me and I feel flattered so I decide to date him, either because of the gaping hole in my heart or that I don't want ( or for that matter ) care enough to turn them down. I'm not saying I didn't like him when I started dating him... just that I wasn't head-over-heels for him. And that really seems like the only way these things work out. I guess if it isn't true love, it's not going to last. He brought me a rose and kool-aid after I broke up with him over the phone. I don't know if that was a last attempt to hold on to me or something... but he's already lost me if he ever had me. I'm not bought like that. In fact when he buys me things it makes me feel inferior, like he thinks I can't take care of myself ( sad part is I really don't have any money ). But he doesn't realize things about me. He doesn't really know me. I swear the next guy I get involved with I will make sure he can read me. I don't like telling people how I feel, so they have to be able to tell on their own or else... well you know the rest. He was really clingy too. He never realized that I need to be alone quite a bit more than a normal person. I'm anti-social, and I treasure that. Really, if you can't go for more than a couple of hours without hearing from me, the relationship is doomed... do you hear me... DOOMED!!!!!!! Okay, so I'm kind of frustrated. I feel bad for hurting his feelings or his heart. But, just as Momo said "It's better for you both if you don't just string him along.". She Is truly a brilliant one isn't she. I played bloody knuckles today with Kenzie and Momo for fun and when he heard he kind of freaked out... okay... what the fuck I'm allowed to do whatever I fucking want! He should know I'm a sadist/masochist, we do martial arts together for fuck's sake I have to be like that to do that. I guess it's all over now so I can stop whining, but he did say he wants to talk to me about it tomorrow. I hate when people need reasons for things. They should just know! I do know that that is unfair to ask, but I would really appreciate it! ^.^ I just can't deal with people right now. They are too much fucking trouble. Ja ne Journal-chan.
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[13 Jan 2005|04:35pm] |
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I'm happy I got a new journal on here. This one can be for how I actually feel instead of how I want other people to think I feel. I'm not too good at keeping journals, but I think I can... I'll at least try with this. It's so very nice to have a place to just talk about stuff. Even if no one reads it. I always thinks it's rather hilarious to go back and see what I used to think too. Yeah... so that is what this is going to be for: my moaning, groaning, and psychotic ranting. I think I'll post a real entry later tonight. Ja ne.
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lecielincoma's journal
